Happily Ever After Is For Wimps
by opalish
Summary: 1st Season, PostEmancipation: SG1, meet Jonas Hansen.


"-and then broke his arm in two places!" The room errupted into applause, causing Captain Samantha Carter to look down, hiding her blush and smile. Colonel O'Neill chuckled as he finished relating the fight on Simarka, slinging a friendly arm over his 2IC's shoulders.  
  
Daniel took up the narrative, unconcsiously gesturing as he spoke. It was a new experience for him- not speaking, but having an entire roomful of people hanging on his every word. They were in the SGC commissary, sharing the events of one of their missions with the rest of the SGC personnel.  
  
Sam's smile grew as Daniel told of the liberation of the Shavadai women, his face glowing from the remembered experience to study ancient Mongols. She glanced around at her teammates, examining them affectionately.   
  
Colonel Jack O'Neill, commander of SG-1, sitting by her side at their table, an arm across her shoulders, dressed casually in cammies. He was a changed man from the one who'd first gone through the Stargate, suicidal and immersed in some dark reality of his own. A lined yet handsome face, aged from years of horrific sights in the Black Ops. A small half-smile curved his lips as he findly watched the team's linguist, his rich brown eyes glinting in amusement. Carter greatly respected and liked her CO for his dry sense of humor and his unbending moral standards, despite their rather rocky meeting.  
  
Doctor Daniel Jackson: archaeologist, anthropologist, and linguist of SG-1. The civilian of the team, the one who had figured out how to work the Stargate in the first place. He sat right across from her, leaning forward in his seat as he passionately told his tale. His bespectacled eyes were intent, his hair flopping down in them occasionally. She'd established an almost instantaneous rapport with her fellow scientist and teammate, and since their meeting on Abydos they'd grown to be very good friends, almost brother and sister. He was a year older than her, thirty years of age, but had an air of perpetual delight and youth about him.  
  
Teal'c, the former First Prime of Apophis, was seated next to Jackson and accross from Colonel O'Neill. To an outsider, he would seem entirely dispassionate and solemn, but to Sam, his normally stoic face reflected his inner amusement. His full lips were curled ever-so-slightly upwards, one eyebrow raised slightly above twinkling brown eyes. He was dressed like O'Neill, though where the Colonel slouched, Teal'c sat stiffly upright. His muscles rippled when he moved, betraying his enormous strength. Although he had been, at first, unsure how to deal with a female warrior- one who was also a scholar- she and he had soon developed a mutual respect and liking.   
  
They were a team, unlikely though they seemed to outsiders: the dry ageing Colonel with a truckload of emotional baggage- one reputed to disdain scientists; the stoic alien who had betrayed his god and turned his back on his very world to do the right thing; the stereotypical absentminded professor and social outcast; and the brilliant woman astrophysicist that most people described as on a feminist kick. They had been thrown together by the Fates, forced to mold themselves and each other in order to become the device necessary to defeat humanity's greatest enemy. And they had.  
  
Captain Samantha Carter smiled again and leaned slightly into her Colonel's loose embrace, ignoring the small voice in her head telling her not to get too comfortable, not to let herself be even slightly tempted to break the regs that had defined her entire life- and God knew it would be too easy, to fall in love with the officer next to her. There was a definite attraction there, and sparks had certainly flown when they had met. And after all, she had always had a thing for the lunatic fringe.  
  
Speaking of lunatic fringe.... What the hell was *he* doing here?  
  
"That sounds like my Samantha," *he* said proudly, interrupting Daniel. Everyone turned to stare at the rather handsome Captain, beaming like a proud father or...lover...from his place at the commissary door.  
  
'*My*?' Sam repeated in her mind. '*Samantha*? Where the hell does he get off calling me *my Samantha*?! Did throwing a certain gold ring in his face not tell him anything? The bastard! And what the hell is he doing here?!'  
  
"Ahem," Colonel O'Neill cleared his throat, tightening his arm around Sam fractionally when he felt her tense up at the arrival of this stranger. "'My Samantha'? Take it you know each other."  
  
Sam groaned. Just like him to make it all into a drama, the bastard. Big entrance, big scene, big exit. Hello, people, meet Jonas Hanson, glory-hound extraordinaire. "Know each other?" Hanson was saying in that tone which particularly annoying people employ when they know something that no one else knows and feel it gives them an advantage. Puts them in control. "Sam and I go way...way...way back."  
  
"Unfortunately," Sam muttured under her breath. Jack heard and stifled a laugh. More loudly, she asked with false cheerfulness, "Jonas. When did you transfer in?" More like, 'how the hell were you judged sane enough to be transferred anywhere but the loony bin?' she thought glumly.  
  
"Just now," Hanson replied with one of his killer smiles- the kind that used to make butterflies appear in her stomach, but now just made her want to puke or roll her eyes. Maybe both, though probably not in that order. Well, maybe- reactions to Jonas were never quite...right. Just like the man himself. Oh, great. He was going to their table. Of all the luck....  
  
"Who is he?" Daniel asked softly while Hanson was still out of whisper-hearing.  
  
"Ex," Sam supplied darkly. "Mistake. Both. Either. Take your pick." 'Hah. Mistake. You wanted him to be your Prince Charming. Instead he was you jailor.'  
  
"You used to date him?" Jack whispered, a strange tone in his voice. Surprise, disbelief, amusement, and...jealousy? Nah. Couldn't be.  
  
"We were engaged, actually," she snapped quietly, before pasting on an extremely fake smile as Hanson pulled up an empty chair by Ferretti.  
  
Carter looked around at her guys, slightly startled to see them glaring at her ex with extreme dislike. Hanson had a satisfied smile on his face as he surveyed the table, almost as if he felt it were his domain. Sam gulped inaudibly- God help her if Teal'c ever looked at her like that. And Daniel! Who knew that gentle man could exude quite that air of menace? Eek- and the Colonel! Damn, but if looks could kill!  
  
It hit her suddenly- the guys of SG-1 were collectively and instinctively drawing into themselves, almost as if forming a protective caccoon around her. They sensed her discomfort and dislike of the man and the situation, and were almost subconsciously reacting to it. Teal'c was eyeing Hanson as if he were considering disembowling the man for fun, Daniel had a certain edge to his glance that spoke of a future of pain, and the Colonel...well, torture, maiming, and eventually a slow and agonizing death were the top choices there. Hmm. Sam relaxed slightly- God, but a girl could get used to this kind of thing. Too bad she didn't have a word for it.  
  
Jack smiled almost maliciously and said, "Ah. So you were nearly Mr. Carter."  
  
Sam choked, hiding a laugh. He might as well have called Jonas a girl. Hanson's smile had faded, and now he looked downright angry.  
  
"Actually," Jonas said in a falsely pleasant voice, "Sam was almost Mrs. Jonas Hanson. Too bad it didn't work out."  
  
Her eyes narrowed. 'Don't you mean, too bad you got drunk one evening, came home and called me a whore, slapped me around till I decked you and tossed that cheap-ass ring in your butt-ugly face and walked out on you?' Too late, she realised she'd said that out loud. Well, she wasn't sure, but if the astounded silence in the commissary and the stares in her direction were anything to go by....  
  
Whew. Close one- no, they were just staring because she'd laughed out loud at his statement. She coughed, trying to cover it up, but obviously no-one was buying it. "Yeah," she choked out. "Too bad."  
  
Teal'c tilted his head to one side, all traces of a smile gone. "You and Captain Carter were promised to each other?" he asked in his deep, slightly rumbling voice.  
  
"Ah. You're the Jaffa," Hanson said with slight condescension. 'Oops, big mistake there, Jonas.'  
  
"His name is Teal'c," O'Neill cut in, a small, dangerous frown on his face.  
  
"Of course," Jonas smoothly recovered. "I simply thought that 'Jaffa' was some kind of title. Like 'Captain' or 'Doctor'."  
  
'Sure ya did,' Carter thought, rolling her eyes.  
  
"Sure ya did," O'Neill sighed with a slight roll of his eyes.  
  
"Jaffa is the name of my race," Teal'c intoned impassively. "My title would be 'First Prime', though since my betrayal, I have none."  
  
"Riiiiiiggghhhhht," Hanson drawled. "And you are...?"  
  
"Ah, I'm Doctor Jackson." Daniel replied quickly. Sam and Jack glanced at him, surprised. 'Since when is he Doctor Jackson?' Sam wondered. 'Mr. Just-Call-Me-Daniel? He really must despise Jonas.'  
  
"Another Doctor," Hanson groaned expressively, though he smiled charmingly. Sam was relieved to see her guys obviously didn't buy his bull.  
  
"Yeah," Daniel said shortly.  
  
Hanson gave him a long, measuring look, then turned his attention to Colonel O'Neill. Jonas' gaze sharpened as he eyed the man who so casually had his arm around *his* ex. "And you're-"  
  
"Colonel O'Neill, USAF. CO of SG-1 and 2IC of the SGC. Welcome aboard, have fun, etcetera, and now we have to go." O'Neill nodded slightly to Daniel and Teal'c, who both stood quickly. Daniel hissed slightly as his thighs banged the table, but fortunately no one seemed to notice.  
  
Sam glanced over at her Colonel, then understood that he was getting them all out of a distasteful and awkward situation. "Yeah," she agreed a little too enthusiastically. "We have...things to do. Scientific things."  
  
"With thingamabobs," Jack added helpfully as he and Sam stood.  
  
"And doohickeys," Daniel put in.  
  
"As well as 'gizmos' and 'gadgets'," Teal'c solemnly agreed.  
  
"Uh-huh," Hanson said doubtfully. "Well. Good meeting you. See you around, Sammie."  
  
Once out in the hall, Daniel nudged Sam and asked, "'Sammie'?", a teasing grin on his face.  
  
"You have something to say, 'Danny-boy'?" Sam asked pointedly. Daniel glowered at her as O'Neill stifled a chuckle. Teal'c raised an eyebrow- surprise, surprise.  
  
"So you almost married that guy?" Jack demanded a few moments later, glancing back in the direction they'd come from.  
  
"It was a close escape," Sam replied. "I left him a week before the wedding. My bridesmaids were all split between murderous rage and relief- they loved the dresses, hated the man. Gotta say, I was mostly the same."  
  
At their blank stares, she hurriedly went on, "I think I was more in love with the idea of being a married than I was in love with being his wife. Ours would not have been a good or happy marriage. Smartest thing I ever did was leave him."  
  
"Somehow I doubt that," the Colonel murmured.  
  
"Well, *one of* the smartest things I ever did," Sam amended good-naturedly. "I'd say *the* smartest thing was definitely the arm-wrest-"  
  
"AHEM!" Jack cleared his throat hastily. "We agreed not to mention that, Captain."  
  
She shrugged. "Well, if you can't stand losing to a wo-"  
  
"Captain! Do I have to mention a certain blue dress?"  
  
"Well...how about the incident with the cow, huh?" Sam tossed back.  
  
"Or the one with the glider," Daniel joined in. "The faulty one where you landed-"  
  
"Hey, Danny, do you want me to tell them all about a certain *chicken impression*?"  
  
"How about when you stepped on the snake, Sir?"  
  
"Or that stuff you drank on 595, Captain. I'd just *love* going over that."  
  
Sam grinned contentedly as they continued to bicker. She *did* have a word for what they were. Childish. Well, there was the other word too- family. Who needed the fairytale prince anyways? The three stooges were more than enough. 


End file.
